My Diet

yay, 300cals today, im well happy and yesterday i had about 800cals, and thats really good for me :)
i am not even that hungry, well i am but im not tempted to eat but i do have stomach pangs which is annoying and im freezing cold.

does anyone else get that? when you dont eat much, you feel internally cold no matter how hot the room it?

because its quite annoying, sometimes thats what drives me to eat because afterwards, if i eat, im all warm again :S so probably do to respiration.

xx

havent been on for a about a week or so, ive just been so busy with uni work its crazy,
but i had to each 'normally' in order to do my work properly and i cant fast or starve anytime soon as i have a chemistry test on monday so have to keep sugar levels up for that, but its driving me crazy because i just feel so guilty eating it all,
ive only got 3 weeks left until xmas break so ive just got to wait until then to lose weight again, i hate this

xx

thats all ive had today
woot, go me!  :)
but tonight, for dinner, we are having dinner together as a flat (with my flatmates and people from next door) and im dreading what theyre going to cook, i get you anything its going to be pasta which is quite fattening. 
two of myflatmates are going for a run this afternoon and im supposed to go and i want to but i just feel so tired and its freezing outside and i have to revise for tests this week, i dont think im up for it, but im definetly going friday morning.
i was a bit worried because i had to have a vaccine today and i thought as i havent eaten that i would feel a bit faint but i actually feel fine,
im just feeling so weak and floating because usually i dont last this long without food.
yesterday i thought i was doing great, then midnight munches came a long and i had a banana, a chocolate cake and some sweets, 
god i hate myself sometimes
why do i do that, i do so great for the day, then night comes and my hard work is down the drain.

xx

thats how i feel right now
i was doing fine, went running this morning so burnt about 100cals :)
had two coffees and thats a bout it until just now, there were some left over baked beans and i had to either eat them or chuck them out because they have been in the fridge for a couple of days, and i dont like wasting money so i end up having beans on toast for my dinner,
so i feel really sick now, but it was really weird but good because i didnt want to eat, ii was hating the taste of it and i just brushed my teeth and still cant stand the taste of it.  somethings change for me and its about time too
but its okay though because all together (including the running)  i have had about 170 cals  so thats exellent for me my friends because usually right now i would be binging on the biscuits and sweets but i dont even want to  :)

yyyaaayyy  im happy!

xx

Just before my corse test for my chemistry module, i quickly went to the little girls room, and as i was washing my hands, this girl came in. Obviously anorexic as she was so thin that i could not help looking and just wanting to be that thin. She didnt look very happy, she seemed quite worn out and a bit stressed but i wish i was that thin. That has definitely gave me some well needed thinspo and some determination. It was weird, as i was starting to think a bout getting help for my ED then she came in and then i thought "nah", i want so want to be thin as her. Im not eating for the rest of the day :), and definetly going to restrict to look like her.

xx

yesterday, as i was watching supersize vs superskinny with my flatemate, she said that i have put on weight!! and that even her boyfriend said that i look bigger, but they said i look better. So i look better fat? I dont think so, but that has definetly hit me like a brick. So today al ive eaten is two fishfingers and some peas, so thats about 250cals, and the rest of the day is going to be hot water ( try it, it works, depresses your appetite)and coffee.

btw HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

lv emz x

it was goign really well today, took laxatives yesterday and got rid of what i had eaten yesterday and i was fasting and going well until about 10 minutes ago, hunger pain struck! I saw the fruit shorties biscuits and just could not resist. I had three of those tasty thin destroyers. I wish i can be like some of you that can resist food and not eat because i just feel so guilty but sometimes i feel the need to eat even though i dont want to, i feel like i have to :( i hate life!!!

xx

today and tomorrow, im trying to fast, ive done it before so it shud be fine, just ill have to say to my friend at lunch so excuse.....
im on the ABC diet, but i messed up yesterday and just binge, tried purging but i cant seem able to do it, all that happens is that i end up with a sore throat...
i have a really busy day today and tomorrow, so thatll stop me from eating or will at least burn some calories...
me and my flatmates played twister last night for about an hour or so...and we were all sweating as it was so hard and weve all ended up with a few bruises, well at least that should have burnt cals :) so it not all bad

wish me luck for today and tomorrow
take care
lv emz xx

woot, im am so happy... i did it!!
well i ate about 400 cals today, i just had some fried rice and veg and a cup of coffee today.
i also did a hell of a lot of waltking so that should burn off some calories.
I had doctors today and i weigh about 43kg which is about 95lbs so thats really gd..

however, i tried purging just now and i just cant do it, a lot of mucus and flem come up but not any sick :( it annoys the hell out of me....how do you lot do it? i tried using toothbrush about a million times.

xx

Ive started fasting today, and im really happy as it has been going good so far, i havent eaten anything. I just had a weak coffee this morning and a latte at lunch which i know is about 70cals but i havent actually eaten anything. I'm just going to down a couple of pints of water at dinner time, so that I feel full. I've never actually done a fast before and I thought yesterday that theres no-one here to watch that I'm eating so i can do it. Tomorrow i get to go for a long walk with the wildlife society and theres a socail gathering afterwards. I also have lectures all day tomorrow so I dont actually get a chance to eat even if i wanted to. So I'm really happy bout that. I just have to remember to bring a drink with me so I keep hydrated and done pass out lol.

lv emz xx

i started uni last week, and that means i might be able to go here more after. also, since im not with my parents, im not in control with what i eat and i cant concentrate on losing weight. Well, thats what i thought, my parents came down to see me on sat and they pretty much forced me to eat this whole chinese meal and then the next day, a pasta meal, i felt so sick. They just kept going on and on about me eating so i just wanted to show them that i ahve been eating, but god theyre so annoying. At least, my flatmates cant really say anything because most the time i do eat is in front of them, and im out for most of the day. Also, there are loads of steps at my uni, they are seriously everywhere so ill get a lot of excersice and can burn off a lot more calories than i ahd done before. I have to have a health check on tuesday and i havent weighed myself since i came here so hopefully they will weigh me so i know where im at.

lv emz xx

i haven't posted or a while but anyways, a few weeks ago was my exams so i let myself eat whatever i wanted but some reason i didnt want and i lost 4lbs- so happy! But that was a few weeks ago and now i have but that back on and i just wish i had the will power to stop eating. sometimes i dont even think, i get up in the morning and have a bowl of cereal afterwards i think why the hell did i eat that. its like i dont realise im eaten until afterwards when i feel guilty and when ive put on weight. i just eel such a failure, especially when i read some of your blogs girls when you say how much you have eaten, i usually have eaten at least 3 times as much, im such a fat pig. i dont know how you do it sometimes, man i wish i had the willpower to starve myself as much as you lot. i can do it for a little while then im back to pigging out again. :( someone help me!

xx

i love olga sherer i so want to be as thin as her, shes my perfect thinspo, shes beautiful and very thin look at her arms!

i checked my BMI on one of the proanamia websites and mine is 17.5 which is anorexia woot woot!! lol so im happy for now, and the other day i was complaining of eating a lot usually over 1000cals but today i have cut down a lot roughly 500cals so im happy. also i have discovered that cayen(cant spell) pepper speeds up your metabolism and i found some in the cupboard so im going to have more of that but i cant have too much as it is really hot, it burnt my mouth really bad lol hope that tip helps

xoxo

oh my god i keep binging just lately even when im full i still a hell of a lot usually over 1000cals and i have put on 4lbs because of it so im back to 108lbs :(. i keep saying that ill get back on track tomorrow but then i give in to a sandwich or something then it just goes bad from there i need my will power i had a couple of weeks ago, don't know where its gone but i do wish it come back. im getting really possesive over calories, i wasn't too bad before but now its weird but i still eat a lot!! i just want to cry sometime help!

hope you all are doing better than what i am,
xoxo

i was watching this programme about overweight and underweight people and they have to swap diets for a week. i noticed that most people that weighed under about 6stone (approx 90lbs) eat about 1000cals a day so that made me feel better about myself if i eat that much when i give in to some biscuits lol hope it makes you lot fell better too :)

xx

hey, omg i havent been on her for months and i just let myself go and im nearly 8stone and i hate myself for it.
well i recently watched some catwalks on tv and thought id share some pics that are going to keep my going and try to lose a stone(14pounds):









hope u enjoy!!


today so far i have had a muller yogurt-175cals and a cuppochino-70cals and im not eating anymore until dinner!

last night  as i was getting changed for bed, i stopped and looked in the mirror...
i was disgusted how much weight i have put on   feeling the fat on my arms and legs and looking at my bloated stomach
i wanted to cry   but it made me feel sick.   sick of food
im not even hungry but im not happy which is good for not eating, ill prob just each dinner today which will be bout 250cal  but im trying my best to not even think bout food, but im looking on internet about anorexic girls and its great thinspo.

lv ya all,
emz xxxx

just lately i have just lost all of my self control i used to have. i cant seem to stop eating,  i really, REALLY  want to lose weight i hate it.
yesterday i ate over 1000cals, that is fucking disgusting,  i was like  ill only eat dinner-i was fine until after dinner when my dad made a cheesecake(my weakness)  i had 3 yes 3 fucking slices  thats about 750 cals in that  omg

What the hell  and today i havent done much better either ive eaten about 700cals today  ewwww  i wanna be eating under 300,  i used to do it but since my easter break i cant seem to have self control for fuck sake.  i have gain 5 pounds since last week i swear unless its muscle as i have been working out alot lately,  but im gonna stop working out so much because its making me all bulky and muscle weighs more than fat so...

anyway hope ya'll do better than me,  wish ya luck

lv emz xoxox

hey, havent written in a long time so thought ill say how i have been doing...
thnx to my food diary it is easier to count cals and how much i need to cut down, but now and then i give up for a moment and eat something really fatten and loads of it for example:  on monday i had 6 biscuits. ewwwwwwww      even worse yesterday i had 3 packets of walker crisps and today i had 2 fucking doughnuts,  like wtf??   last nite i slap myself round the face and sed im gonna starve myself today but no i caved in and had two disgustin doughnuts.

but ive been working it off,  every morning i do 128situps, 64bumlifts, 32pushups, load of different arm workouts, 48 leg lifts and back stretches (which i have to do for my ingury in my leg).  then ill do whatever more that will burn off what i have eaten today, sometimes i let myself off and just leave it at about 65cals but as long it is not over 100 im kool lol.

its so hard tho i wanna be just as thin as isabelle caro but its really hard to resist sometimes,  god why do food have to taste nice


ow ell,  ill have to be more strict on myself and since it is easter hols  my goal can be to eat 200 or less cals everyday and work it off of cause lol

love ya all,

emz xxxx